Gotta check in to rehab...

...'cause baby, I'm sure it's a disease. Some kind of virus. I can say that it's the worst one I've ever had. It's not the first time it happens, of course. I've already had some other diseases, but I've got the right medicine I think, and never heard about them anymore. They won't ever affect me again. But with this one, things are different. I don't know what happened to my defenses. I'm helpless. The other ones, I can avoid easily now. But this fucking one is getting harder then harder to vanquish. I know it senses my weakness. I know it reads my thoughts. And I know it always know how to understand my words, as I know it's doing now. And the worst part of this sickness is... I love it. I love it to the bone. Just love it and always did. And in some insane way, I need it. I've always needed. We've tried to kill each other once... for a while. I've almost forgotten that I had it. Even thought I had erased everything. But, unfortunately, it was just sleeping. And came back as a hurricane, bringing everything back to my memories. Yeah, It's a virus for sure. Now it's 5 in the morning, and I'm here, thinking of ways to win this war. I've been kinda coward trying to run away from it, but I'm tired now. I can't stand this sickness anymore. Better kill it before it kills me. Even loving it, I know it's not gonna take me anywhere. I'm gonna be alone, as it always left me. Time to look for salvation. For me, not for it. Not for us. Not anymore.

"You're the reason why I'm thinking,
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarretes no more,
I guess that's what I get for wishful thinking,
Shouldn't ever let you enter my door,
Next time you wanna go on and leave,
I should just let you go on and do it,
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed,
It's like I checked in to rehab,
'And baby, you're my disease..."

I can't talk about it looking into your eyes. I really don't know why. Cause seriously, I feel like I have nothing left to lose about you. Not my fault at all, you know. You've never done anything to show me my importance in your life. Never. When you show me something good, there's always something annoying to put me down again right after. I've never understood what's up between us. And man, it's reeeeally hard to admit, but I want you. So bad. I'm not proud of it at all, but I'm gonna stop blaming myself for it. I love you. Like never did. And I know you know it. It makes me ill, but it's not gonna kill me. So choose your side. I won't die for it, cause I already know what is life without you. But I wish I could know if I've always been alone in this. If I'm just crazy bout all of this, let me know. Help me to get sane about you again... or at least try to.

I refuse to keep dreamin. Wake me up, please.

Beijomeliga. zo/